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Sunday, June 19, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
You just lost one, it's so silly how come!
Lost Ones Lyrics Artist(Band):Lauryn Hill It's funny how money changes situations Miscommunication leads to complication My emancipation don't fit your equation I was on the humble, you - on every station Some wan' play young Lauryn like she dumb But remember not a game new under the sun Everything you did has already been done I know all the tricks from Bricks to Kingston My ting done made your kingdom wan' run Now understand L. Boogie non violent But if a thing test me, run for mi gun Can't take a threat to mi newborn son L's been this way since creation A groupie call, you fall from temptation Now you wanna ball over separation Tarnish my image in your conversation Who you gon' scrimmage, like you the champion You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one Now, now how come your talk turn cold Gained the whole world for the price of your soul Tryin' to grab hold of what you can't control Now you're all floss, what a sight to behold Wisdom is better than silver and gold I was hopeless now I'm all hopeful Every man want to act like he's exempt When him need to get down on his knees and repent Can't slick talk on the day of judgment Your movement's similar to a serpent Tried to play straight, how your whole style bent? Consequence is no coincidence Hypocrites always want to play innocent Always want to take it to the full out extent Always want to make it seem like good intent Never want to face it when it's time for punishment I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion But there come many paths and you must choose one And if you don't change then the rain soon come See you might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you really lost one You just lost one, it's so silly how come When it's all done did you really gain from What you done done, it's so silly how come You just lost one Now don't you understand man universal law What you throw out comes back to you, star Never underestimate those who you scar Cause karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard You can't hold God's people back that long The chain of Shatan wasn't made that strong Trying to pretend like your word is your bond But until you do right, all you do will go wrong Now some might mistake this for just a simple song And some don't know what they have 'til it's gone Now even when you're gone you can still be reborn And, from the night can arrive the sweet dawn Now, some might listen and some might shun And some may think that they've reached perfection If you look closely you'll see what you've become Cause you might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you just lost one You might win some but you really lost one You just lost one, it's so silly how come When it's all done did you really gain from What you done done, it so silly how come (repeat to end) |
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Gamma life ...
It's the Glamma life, no the Gamma life! Now that I am safe, I have been able to find so many parts of me that I forgot about.
I love being a "Woman of Distinction" a sister of the largest Latina sorority in the nation, Sigma Lambda Gamma National Sorority Inc. SLG has over 100 chapters across the country. WEPA!!!! I waited til my Junior year in college to join the sorority. I was already an activist on the University of Illinois campus, fighting against the racist mascot "Chief Illiniwek", fighting to keep the cultural centers open, and the list goes on . When I decided to join the sorority the activist in the campus community were so upset. They told me so many things about how sororities were pieces of shit and that I was basically selling myself out to the mainstream world... my response was... WHATEVER!!!!
I decided to join not because it was the cool thing to do on campus, but because I had finally found a purpose/mission/vision that articulated what I wanted, and how I wanted to be. It talked to me... it also helped that my cousin Lizzy and Luzumaris were one, and the fact that my dad was in a fraternity in college. He is a Phi Epsilon Chi. Bueno, I knew that it was good choice and would be whatever I made it be, and that it had very amazing women in it. Wow, little did I know that this organization would be the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I did community service, study hours, partied, was a dean, road tripped, dated frat boyz... the whole nine... basically I kicked it. The best thing about it was and still is the fact that I made the dopest friends/sisters ever.
The women across the nation have been so amazing, loyal, supportive and real. Ok not every single sister is my favorite, but I do respect them and the letters that they rock... which means that they believe in the same purpose as me... NO I don't idolize the organization, I think that it is an incredible instrument/tool for the survival of women of color on campuses everywhere. The Dramatically Delicious Delta Chapter is where I am from, and we are one of the oldest in the sorority. I learned a lot from the founders of the sorority! Shout outs to Danell Marie Riojas for being a fierce and down to Earth founder. Ok so here are some pics of me in my Gamma time! I will be 12 years old in the sorority and I feel like if I crossed yesterday.
Our beautiful shield! Very deep and powerful! I stand for everything on this shield. It was worth the sweat, tears and sacrifice period!
Gammas run this nation!
This is one of my favorite Gamma pictures. This picture was taken during Spring Break 2000 in Florida. I had just crossed into SLG! I had lost about 30 pounds during my pledging process. I really enjoyed being this size. It was perfect for my build!
Pledging Fall 1999
At an Iota Phi Theta Party doing "community service".
After the Latino Fashion Show at the Illini Union. We looked fly!
All the other orgs were talking about how the Gammas' pledges were
so beautiful and looked so proper for the event. We were a hit!!!!
Don't get it twisted, there were haters there... they had to suck it up! <3
My crossing nite!
Line name: Dinamita
Captain of P.O.R.F.I.N.
#86 ( first Gamma with that special number) :)
Dec 10, 1999 3:18:10 AM
86. Teresita "Dinamita" Ayala
87. Mireya "Animada" Carrera
88. Laurie "Melosa" Martinez
89. Blanca "Valerosa" Valdez
90. Rosanna "Rizitos" Bahamon
91. Mayra "Divina" Tapia
Captain Dinamita and proud of it!
Convention 2000 @ Motherland -Iowa City, Iowa
Check out the fishnet dress (thanks to a thick SGRho) and my Pledge Dad "BigPoppa's" chanclas, cuz them heels were killing me! :)
Captain Dinamita, Midship Melosa and Anchor Divina at the Gamma Auction.
Me and my momma Anhelo #66 then
Me and my momma NOW!!!! Hermanas Por Vida!
Valerie "Calorosa" -my ride or die sis!
My pledge dad Big Poppa #53 and brother Eleggua from
Kaotik Kappa Chapter!
Strolling my ass off! Kicking it! Gammas were on fire on my campus!
We had a blast!
I had the opportunity to educate these dynamic women. This by far was my best experience as a sister
of SLG. The dedication, passion, and love that they had for SISTERHOOD was UNTOUCHABLE, hence their line name :
I.N.T.O.C.A.B.L.E.S.
101. Yvonne "Iluminacion" White
102. Alexis "Fenix" Todd
103. Edith "Veracidad" Lule
104. Nicole "Eximia" Ceasar
As actives they understood the concept of community on a really political level, they understood that in order to create change you have to be it, live it, breathe it. I am grateful for these women, they made me see life in a whole different way!
One of the coolest things is also being able to bring another little cousin into the sisterhood
Maria "Ninemi". There are now 3 of us from the familia that are GAMMAS. Dopeness!
Love u Prima!
Our connection with Black Greek orgs on campus and across the nation is awesome. The firm which consists of Phi Beta Sigma, Zeta Phi Beta, Sigma Lambda Beta, and Sigma Lambda Gamma has been able to do really powerful programming in their respective campuses. Here are a few shot of us (Gammas) with the ladies of Z Phi B. This was an important relationship for us as orgs of color. Our being as tight as we were and still are, really made a difference in the attendance of events, and things that mattered on campus. Our numbers spoke!
Gamma/Beta fun!
My beautiful children :)
These are my 3 of my 7 children. L to R
Loyola University daughter Sabrina, U of I kid Cristina, and Kaotik Kappa son Jared
DePaul Univ. Beta son Piquin with his parents Miguel "Carino" Ayala
and Teresita "Dinamita" Ayala.
Jared and my Delta first pledge daughter Karla " La Fenomenal".
My beautiful pledge son from Florida- "Pantera" and I at the wedding of
his son Gio, my grandson! <3
My Colorado babies (Monica , Daughter Elevacion, Joy and Jaclyn) :) All of them are teachers in the Colorado School School System. My daughter is a Principal! Heyyyyy!
Missing a picture of my son Pantera (USF) and my beautiful daughter from Minnesota Dinamica! :/
The remnants of my para! I was a bit obsessed with making and buying
stuff that had either pink or purple on it or the letters. Ask anyone and they will tell
you that I my the university was lucky that they didn't let people paint the dorm wall... they would have been shocking pink and majestic purple in a jiffy! <3
And this is what is left. In a box!
I would love to go back to those times ... there are so many memories that I will just have to keep in my dome.
I thank God for SLG. I truly do! <3
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Right there in Washington Heights...
I have been diggin' thru boxes that I have left all over the world. Have had people send me whatever I left in their home. Every single person has something that I have left, some have clothes, books, some earrings, medical bills, cd's. I have lived in many places. This last time though, was different, I left my heart. I know I left my heart. It was the first time that I ever thought that love healed all wounds, and love was possible. I knew that it was hard, but I was down, I was down to create. Sad part is that I had broken so many hearts before while looking for myself that homegirl "Karma" came thru and fucked it all up for me. No trust, and with out that my dear friends, nothing is possible. No trust, no communication, no relationship. I left my heart in Washington Heights, right off of Broadway, between Ft.Washington and Riverside Drive, a few blocks from the George Washington Bridge. It's there...... waiting to be taken back upstairs to the apartment, but Karma won't let it. This is the first time I left something of real value anywhere and I'm not sure if I will get it back, and if I do it probably won't be the same. Who is to blame?
I love me and I love u !
T
Mirror, mirror....
I have been in search of her... traveling around the world, looking for her....
A love once told me that I was an escapist, another even more beautiful love told me to
stop running, to let me catch up to me?
I believed neither and kept going, looking, searching, buscando.
La busque en California, Nueva York, Chicago, Florida, New Jersey, Puerto Rico, Venezuela, Santo Domingo, Guatemala, Chile, Alemania, Barcelona, Palestina y Istanbul, y nada. It was as if someone had kidnapped her, took her, tortured her, beat her, raped her and I knew that and still couldn't find her. The agony, the pain, the sex, the distractions, the drugs, the alcohol, the partners, the abortions, the food, the music, the revolution. Oh I looked in all those jungles and nothing. No sight of her, no scent of her, no smile, no laugh, no joke, no free spirit. None!
She was gone, she was somewhere in this planet that holds billions of souls. As I continued to search for her I noticed that I was wasting away looking for her, feeling every single bit of her pain. After multiple self mutilations, sleepless nights, damning Satan, praying to Christ for mercy, she appeared, she had never left. It was the first time she was actually present in the mirror. I finally looked at myself in the mirror and saw her. She smiled with most humble energy and said, "Tere, te amo.... te he estado esperando por tanto tiempo, ya, you can rest. We are safe!"
(Barcelona, Spain : Catedral La Merced)
Patron Saint of Barcelona celebrated ecery year on my birthday
September 24th. She captivated me!
I love me and you,
T
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
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